Wild Journey of Self-Love (Part 1)

We all know self-love is incredibly important but what does it mean and how do you use it or choose it?

In a world that often encourages us to look outward for validation and love, the journey to self-love can feel like an untamed wilderness. Within the wilderness of life lies a rewarding path to self-discovery and genuine self-love.

If you are already part of my community, have ever worked with me as your Intuitive Wellness Guide or have found your way into the Wild Woman Gateway you know I am incredibly passionate about the topic of self-love. From my own experience, I know that there are many moments in life where it feels like the most difficult love to let in is our own love.

Throughout life most of us are lucky enough to have been loved by others but are unsure how to truly love ourselves - how to love ourselves unconditionally, wildly and passionately. It takes conscious practice to become truly comfortable with yourself, and the love you hold within before externally giving or receiving love.

A few weeks ago one of my soul sisters said "loving myself is so difficult!” as we finished a meditation dedicated to loving-kindness - her words deeply resonated with me. This moment served as a poignant reminder that the journey to self-love is not a straight path but a wild, winding adventure filled with challenges and triumphs. Loving-kindness is a powerful practice in vulnerability that I will share more on. Being kind and living to ourselves is essential. 

Most of us have been raised to believe that self-love is selfish, that we must put the needs of others before our own, that we should make others happy even at our own expense. As you were reading that you may have rolled your eyes or been nodding your head in agreement. There is so much more to self-love than just pampering ourselves.

I found this out the hard way - there have been many occasions in my life where neglected my own needs and I gave my energy and power away which resulted in closing my heart and turning my back on myself. In these moments I was not present in my life - with my body, my heart or my emotions. I was about to go on a wild journey of learning to honour the needs of my body, heart, mind and spirit.

Discovering Self-Love: The Wild Wellness way

Self-love is a practice, an art and a lifestyle. It is a wild journey to reclaiming your power, rejuvenating your spirit and rising to your fullest potential. As an intuitive wellness guide and a woman who is passionate about self-love I am here to help you navigate this journey with compassion, authenticity and a bit of wild wisdom.

When you practice the art of self-love, the art of loving yourself, you no longer depend on other people to fill up your cup.

In this blog post, I gathered some insights from some extraordinary and divine women to share with us what self-love means to them along with insights about what it takes to truly embody the practice of self-love. If you are ready for some serious inspiration, and love-filled energy you are going to L.O.V.E. this post! 

The concept of self-love in Western cultures has evolved over time, in contrast to Eastern cultures, where individuals are taught from an early age to view themselves as worthy, lovable and divine. When Western Psychologists asked the Dalai Lama about this Self-Love, he was shocked to learn that many people around the world dislike, loathe or even hate themselves. Of more recent times the idea of self-love has begun to spread like a wildfire around the globe, for all the right reasons.

Self-love is essential for our overall health & wealth (not just in monetary terms), for setting healthy boundaries, for the relationship with self which then flows into relationships with others.

Self-compassion is an extremely important aspect of self-love. We habitually learn to direct empathy and compassion toward our loved ones, abandoned animals, the sick or those in need. We have the ability to open our hearts so wide that love flows so effortlessly alongside the deep desire for the wellbeing, safety and protection of others. When we become our own best friend and see ourselves as deserving of love and care, we begin to practice self-compassion and this love starts to flow freely and openly towards us.

Self-love is something that can be cultivated, nurtured and grown through our daily actions. Without self-love, we risk losing ourselves in the chaos of everyday expectations and demands.

When we practice self-love, we stop depending on others to fill our emotional cups. Instead, we become empowered to nurture and sustain ourselves. This not only benefits us but also enhances our relationships, our work, our overall well-being and the way we show up in life.

Self-love to me is multifaceted;

💜 Keeping my word to myself

💜 Working on my health - physical mental emotional

💜 Living by my values

💜 Setting healthy boundaries

💜 Nurturing connections and relationships

💜 Challenging myself and achieving goals

💜 Having fun and spontaneity in my life

💜 Using my habits and routines to support me

💜 Being open to new connections and opportunities

💜 The work I do with my counselling clients

💜 Approaching life with a curious mindset

💜 Personal growth and lifelong learning

Skye, Grief and loss counsellor from @Bluejaycounselling

We are experiencing a time in society that is driven by strong desires and passions – this could be referred to as a collective awakening. Fulfilling a want, need or desire is important if the outcome is positive and will allow you to emanate more love to yourself or other.

I thought it was important to take a moment to speak into what needs, wants & desires are.

Wants are items, activities or experiences that we wish to have but are not essential for survival or basic functioning. Wants could include things like a vacation or luxury clothing. Wants can enhance the quality of life but are not critical to meeting basic life requirements.

Needs are essential items required for survival and basic functioning. They must be satisfied to maintain health and safety. Needs include food, water, shelter and clothing. Fulfilling needs no matter how small or big, is necessary for physical, emotional & psychological stability.

Desires are strong feelings of wanting something or wishing for something to happen. They often go beyond wants and involve a deeper longing or craving for specific outcomes or experiences. Desires can be both material and emotional, such as the desire for love, recognition or success. Desires are purposeful and powerful, driving human behaviour and motivation.

The next key element of self-love is embracing yourself exactly as you are. We spend so much time & energy blaming and criticising ourselves. We are dissatisfied with a multitude of things: how we look, how we act, what we do, what we think, the way we move through life. The most magic thing happens when we look at ourselves without fighting, resisting or wishing to fix something. We are given the opportunity to meet ourselves fully in the present moment with true acceptance and that opens door for true growth rather than constant “fixing”.

"Self-love to me is truly knowing who I am in the felt sense of all the shadows of my heart and integrating them with purest parts of myself. It's accepting that the two forms can coexist. 

Self-love is being compassionate and grateful for the shadows to bring the light to the world through the understanding that one simply cannot exist without the other.

Self-love is something that has taken me years to comprehend and truly feel in the depths of my soul until I accepted the shadows of my heart and if I give myself for not knowing that the light and dark after merge to feel free until love myself in all forms."   Christina the healing hands of Alethiagg Holistic Hair Art

Love is a need, so is self- love. It is the need to fulfil ourselves.

How do we do that?

Within each one of us lies a different answer and this post was the perfect way to share with you the unique and personal connections with self-love.

"Self-love - in a previous life I rolled my eyes! I get it now. Self-love is a requirement for every human, whether you know it or not.

For me it's a simple luxury that we can all afford. Some days it's a gorgeous rich coffee to be taken under the sheets. At any given moment it could be treating myself to a creamy caramel cheesecake, lose myself in producing a painting, you know releasing the creative urge onto a canvas, initiating a tight loving hug that ignites with warmth and care or giving my all in a conditioning session at my gym. There are so many things that mean self-love to me, and all of them and more produce rejuvenation."   

Sharon the creative element of  @sbrinkworthart

Now for another vital element of self-love. Offering forgiveness.

Forgiving our own mistakes, wrongful actions, failures, etc. can only happen with compassion and acceptance. Forgiving ourselves can feel like mission impossible, especially to those with perfectionist tendencies who are often very hard on themselves (raising my hand while typing there). It is, however, possible.

Consider these wise words: “When you forgive yourself, you release the chains of self-condemnation and embrace self-love” Unknown

Self-love is more than the moments of pampering and spoiling ourselves on a shopping outing, with fancy chocolate & wine or extravagant holidays – as important as these are. Self-love is actually taking a break in our busy schedule, finding alone time to meditate, meeting a good friend for a meaningful conversation, getting a massage or reiki infused hair appointment. Coping behaviours are just band-aids that help us cover up the real situation and get even further from much-needed acceptance and love.

"Self-Love for me means making the time to look after my physical, emotional & spiritual health, these are all so much more intertwined than I realised before I started my healing journey. I've experienced a chronic illness for 17 years (CFS - Chronic Fatigue Syndrome). One that causes 25% of people that experience it to be bed bound. I adore myself too much to go back into this category.

I'm now loving myself more daily & knowing that I am the healer of my own body. I dedicate at least 10 hours a week to medical healing treatments so that I can be the best version of myself. Self-Love is also constantly working on my mindset growth and being cautious of the words I use and the thoughts that I choose. It's about being my own best friend, talking, thinking and doing actions that I would to one of my dearest loved ones."    

Kristen the loving hands behind Bella Oils  

Self-love is what fills us with energy every day. It is the internal source of happiness that doesn’t depend on any external factors. It is the necessary ground for personal growth and provides us with confidence to create healthy boundaries and have loving relationships with people around us.

Real, unconditional self-love is the unwavering acceptance and appreciation of yourself regardless of circumstance

Before I share some more beautiful words about self-love, I thought it would be supportive to share some practical Tips for Cultivating Self-Love.

Practice Self-Compassion by being gentle with yourself. Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding that you would offer a dear friend.

Set Boundaries as a form of self-respect. Know your limits and communicate them clearly. Boundaries are a form of self-respect.

Create a Self-Care Routine to integrate practices that nourish your body, mind, and soul into your daily life. Whether it’s meditation, exercise, or a relaxing bath, make time for yourself.

Forgive Yourself by letting go of past mistakes and embrace your imperfections. Forgiveness is a powerful act of self-love.

Empowering Self-Talk is an invitation to observe your inner dialogue. Replace negative self-talk with affirmations and words of encouragement.

Here are some more insights from a sisterhood of powerful and passionate women on what self-love means to them.

 "Self-Love is, to me, a delicious and purposeful practice of tuning in to what my body is asking of or craving from me. It is a way of romanticising my life and savouring sacred moments with the most important person, myself. Plus, I have three little people watching me and I want to teach them the art of self-love and care so that they will know from a young age the benefits and importance of loving themselves first."    

Brie Q the Divine Dancing Goddess behind @dance_with_brie & @dancemumenergy

"I’ve always felt like the notion of Self-Love sat a little uncomfortably with me ever since I first encountered it in the self-help section of the blogosphere in my early twenties. ‘Radical Self-Love’ was the call-to-action and it did feel kinda…well…radical. And I’d say that was more about the conditioning around the topic from my primary school days where girls were teased for being ‘so in love with themselves’ should they make a compliment on their appearance or express satisfaction on their achievements and efforts. With a young daughter now, I really cringe for the legacy that culture left on many of us – both then and now.

Today my own expression of Self-Love is constantly evolving. But, like any great love, it’s grounded in respect.

Respecting myself means I cultivate boundaries; like going to bed early for deep rest or saying no to a social outing after a big extraverted week.

Respecting myself means I make a little effort; like keeping a daily skincare ritual or prepping meals on Sunday for the week ahead. Both pay off for me later.

And finally respecting myself must involve kindness. You can’t be unkind to someone and respect them at the same time. So, softening judgements, looking for the positive and valuing all efforts help me to be my own safe place.

So loving yourself is much easier when the person doing all these things for your ultimate success is you."

Stephanie,  Womens Wellness Advocate and the Visionary of the Protorque Community

"I never really thought about self love/ self-care or what it meant until I became an “adult.”  Being a mom to 4 kids, 6 and under, it is ever apparent that we are born egocentric; our needs and wants are innately our priority.  It isn’t until we experience the world and take on different responsibilities that those exact needs and wants get pushed to the back burner. 

Our society pushes the mentality that we have to be busy, be doing more and being more personally and professionally. We are all constantly in this high state of functioning that we  have to consciously pull ourselves out this spinning wheel in order to calm our mind and body and tune into ourselves. 

Now I am calling the kettle black here because.... I am woman. I am a wife. I am mother. I am a business owner. I am an optometrist. I am a daughter. I am a sister. I am an aunt. I am a friend. Each of these roles, as beautiful as they are, pull a little bit (or a lot of a bit!) from me and my energy.  It is easy to forget to care about ME when I am managing all of these roles. Often I have nothing left “in the tank” at the end of my days. 

What I have learned and what I’d like to share, is that despite what social media might have you believe, self love doesn’t have to be grandiose. It can be as simple as buying your favorite artisan sourdough and savoring that first bite of a slice with butter and creamed honey. It can be a few deep breathes in the sunshine to start your day. It can be that hot shower with no interruptions for 5 minutes.

An important note here is that as a mom specifically it is so easy to lose yourself because of how much time and energy (physical and emotional) babies require. I’ve been blessed to be a mom four times over and each time I feel like I’VE been birthed over too. I have grown and changed and become a different version of myself.  Each time I have to re-find who I am, who I want to be and what I need to do to give myself love. 

Being consciously aware of doing these little things to give myself love throughout my day is so important for two reasons: one, I need them to be the best version of me so I can show up as “mom “ and two: because kids learn not by what you say, but what you DO. I hope that by showing my children the benefits of taking time for myself and doing things I enjoy, that they can learn to do the same.  My children are young (6,4,2 and 7 months), so I actively point out when I am taking time for myself because it always seems they all need me all the time!  But I also ask THEM what makes them feel happy and what makes feel fulfilled. I make a pointed effort to do those things with them so they know their wants and needs are important too! 

In this crazy world, remember that you are important.  When we strip away the layers, self love and self care is just simply tuning into what our heart and soul needs to feel fulfilled.  What fills my cup, most certainly won’t fill someone elses, but that’s the beauty of being uniquely you and finding your version of self- love. 

If you quiet the noise and tune into your heart, you’ll find exactly what your “self” needs to feel loved ❤️"

Miki Lyn Zilnicki  Co-Owner of Twin Forks Optometry & Vision Therapy & the inspiring voice behind the Vision is More than 20/20 Podcast

Thank you Skye, Christina, Sharon, Kristen, Brie, Stephanie & Miki for sharing your heartfelt words and wisdom on self-love with us.

I hope this post brought you as much love and pleasure as it brought me while writing it.

To me, self-love is following my inner voice, connecting to and trusting it in times of uncertainty. Being comfortable with who I am and reminding myself that no matter what, I am safe and I am love.

Thank you for reading, for being here and for joining this wild journey. Stay tuned for part 2 where you will be graced with more wisdom and some wild tips to  support you on the wild journey of self-love.

With love from my heart to your heart

Hannah xx