A Conversation could Change a Life on R U OK Day?
Sep 11, 2025
Today is R U OK? Day in Australia which was incepted in 2009 by Gavin Larkin—a day that reminds us of something so simple, yet profoundly important: asking the question, “Are you OK?”
It’s a day dedicated to starting conversations that could change and even save lives.
It’s not just about today—it’s about weaving this question into our everyday lives because behind every smile, every busy schedule and every “I’m fine,” there may be a story we are unoble to see or hear yet.
At first glance, it might seem simple—just four words strung together.
When spoken with genuine care, those words carry weight.
They can open doors, soften walls and remind someone they don’t have to go it alone.
When spoken with genuine care, those words carry weight.
They can open doors, soften walls and remind someone they don’t have to go it alone.
This day is more than a yearly awareness event—it’s a reminder that connection is medicine.
Our presence, our listening, our willingness to step into the world of someone else even for a moment, can create ripples that last far beyond a single conversation.
Our presence, our listening, our willingness to step into the world of someone else even for a moment, can create ripples that last far beyond a single conversation.
When I think of R U OK? Day, I think of all the times a quiet check-in has anchored me when I felt adrift.
A text that arrived at the exact moment I was spiralling. A friend who held eye contact and waited for the truth instead of the rehearsed I’m fine.
A text that arrived at the exact moment I was spiralling. A friend who held eye contact and waited for the truth instead of the rehearsed I’m fine.
These small yet powerful gestures have been lifelines—reminders that even in the heaviness, I’m not alone.
Statistics tell us that 1 in 5 Australians will experience a mental health problem in any given year.
That’s not just a number—that’s people we know and love.
Friends who cancel plans at the last minute.
Friends who cancel plans at the last minute.
Colleagues who push through but look a little disheveled or worn around the edges.
Family members who smile in photos yet cry behind closed doors.
Neighbours who wave hello but quietly carry burdens we may never see.
For many, these struggles feel like thunderstorms hidden beneath the surface—dark clouds building quietly while the world only sees a calm exterior. Just as we cannot always predict the next downpour, we can’t always see the weight someone is holding inside.
R U OK? Day exists to remind us that no one should have to carry their struggles alone. It encourages us to check in, to open the door to meaningful conversations and to show up for each other before things reach a breaking point. It’s about building a culture where checking in is normal, not awkward—where caring isn’t an intrusion but a gift.
Research shows that when people are genuinely asked if they are OK they feel even more supported, more cared for and more connected.
In fact, 9 out of 10 Australians say they feel grateful when someone checks in.
In fact, 9 out of 10 Australians say they feel grateful when someone checks in.
To me, that is incredibly powerful.
It shows that most people are relieved rather than burdened by this question. They are reminded that they matter, that someone notices, that they are not invisible.
When we ask with genuine care, something shifts. We bring light into someone’s storm.
A single question can be the first crack of sunlight breaking through the clouds, reminding them that clear skies, warmth and love are still possible.
A single question can be the first crack of sunlight breaking through the clouds, reminding them that clear skies, warmth and love are still possible.
Isn’t that what we all want at our core?
To be seen, to be heard and to be valued.
I’ll be honest—lately I have felt stuck, low and unmotivated. Some mornings it has been hard just to get out of bed, let alone show up for work or keep up with the pace with life.
There have been days where functioning felt like moving through quicksand, each step heavier and harder to take than the one before it and evenings where sadness arrived quietly, uninvited and stayed longer than I wanted.
There have been days where functioning felt like moving through quicksand, each step heavier and harder to take than the one before it and evenings where sadness arrived quietly, uninvited and stayed longer than I wanted.
From the outside, it might look like I’ve been doing fine.
I kept things moving—I ticked the boxes, replied to messages, responded to emails and wore the ready smile.
I kept things moving—I ticked the boxes, replied to messages, responded to emails and wore the ready smile.
Inside I was treading water, carrying a heaviness that words couldn’t always reach. That’s the thing: struggle often wears a disguise. Sometimes the people you think are doing really well are the ones who are struggling the most.
I share this because I know I’m not alone. So many of us are carrying hidden weights. We put on brave faces because it feels far easier than explaining, because we don’t want to be a burden or because we are unsure anyone really wants to hear the truth.
That’s why being asked matters so deeply. It interrupts the story in our head that says, “No one notices. No one would understand.” When someone takes the time to ask with care, it cracks open a window for light and love to come in.
That’s why being asked matters so deeply. It interrupts the story in our head that says, “No one notices. No one would understand.” When someone takes the time to ask with care, it cracks open a window for light and love to come in.
Looking back over my life, there have been countless seasons where the question “Are you OK?” would have meant everything. Times when I didn’t have the words to explain what was happening inside. Times when I felt like I had to carry it all alone. Times when silence felt safer than honesty. This year in particular has been one of those chapters where the waves felt heavier, where simply pulling back the doona and placing my feet on the floor was an act of courage.
Yet even in the heaviness, I’ve learned how powerful a genuine check-in can be. A message that arrives out of the blue. A friend who holds eye contact and says, “No, but how are you really?” A loved one who sits with me in silence when I don’t have the words. These small, tender moments have reminded me that I’m not invisible, that I don’t have to carry it all on my own.
It’s also been a year of learning to ask myself the question: “Am I OK?”—and to answer honestly. Some days the answer is no, and that’s OK. Some days it’s yes, or somewhere in between. What matters is pausing long enough to check in with myself and honour the truth of where I am.
This is why R U OK? Day is so important to me. Because I have lived the reality of struggling quietly and I have also lived the relief of being asked, of being seen, of being reminded that even when life feels heavy, I don’t have to hold it all alone.
You don’t need to be a mental health professional. You don’t need perfect words. You don’t need to fix someone’s life. What matters most is heart, presence, and a willingness to show up without judgement.
Here are the four simple steps R U OK? Day encourages us to take:
1️⃣ Ask the question. It can be as gentle as, “I’ve noticed you seem a bit quiet lately. Are you OK?” Start with care and curiosity.
2️⃣ Listen with care. This is often the hardest part. We want to jump in, give advice, or fix the problem—but sometimes the most healing thing is silence and space, where the other person feels safe enough to let their truth tumble out.
3️⃣ Encourage action. You don’t need to have all the answers, but you can gently suggest next steps: “That sounds tough—have you thought about speaking with a counsellor?” or “Can I help you book a specialist appointment?” Even the smallest nudge toward support can make a difference.
4️⃣ Check in. A single conversation is powerful, but ongoing care builds trust. A follow-up text, a coffee invite, or a phone call simply asking, “How are you today?” shows you weren’t just ticking a box—you genuinely care.
Remember that being present matters much more than being perfect. Just showing up is enough.
We all know the default script: “How are you?” “I’m fine.” End of story. But what if we asked differently? What if we softened our approach and made it easier for someone to share?
Sometimes “Are you OK?” can feel too direct. Here are some gentle alternatives that open space for honesty:
How is your heart today?
I’ve been thinking of you—how are you, really?
What has been heavy on your mind or heart lately?
Do you want to talk about how you are feeling?
You don’t seem yourself—want to chat?
How is your energy this week?
I am here if you want to let anything out.
Is there something weighing on you that you would like to share?
How can anything I can do to support you?
Sometimes the simple words Are you OK? are enough.
Sometimes it helps to ask with a little more nuance. What matters most is not the exact wording, but that the question comes from a genuine place of care.
Sometimes it helps to ask with a little more nuance. What matters most is not the exact wording, but that the question comes from a genuine place of care.
It’s less about the words we choose and more about the love that carries them.
Sometimes the heaviest battles are the ones we are unable to see or feel.
They are carried quietly, behind closed doors, hidden behind smiles and busy schedules. And sometimes, all it takes is a simple check-in, a soft smile or a gentle Are you OK? to remind someone they are not alone.
I believe in the ripple effect of kindness. One small question can shift the trajectory of someones day—or even their life. 💛
Today is a reminder, but so is tomorrow and the day after that.
We don’t need to wait for an official day on the calendar to check in on the people we love.
We don’t need to wait for an official day on the calendar to check in on the people we love.
Every day offers an opportunity to slow down, listen deeply and be the light and love in the storm someone else may be experiencing.
Connection is one of the most powerful medicines we have.
Connection is one of the most powerful medicines we have.
Let me leave you with this: I am here to hear. I am here to listen. I am here to remind you that you matter. I am always a call, a text, or a message away because a conversation—your conversation—could change a life.
If you or someone you know is struggling, please reach out for support: Lifeline 13 11 14 or Beyond Blue 1300 22 4636.
Last night, as thunder shook the sky and rain poured down, I was reminded of how nature often imitates our inner world. The storm outside mirrored the storm within me and within so many of us. That is why these conversations matter.
Just as the thunder eventually softened into quiet rain, our internal storms can also shift when we are held, heard and supported.
A single conversation may not stop the rain, but it can remind us that we don’t have to weather it alone.
