Insights from How to Love Humanity by James ‘Fish’ Gill

Today is a fabulous Friday as I have just finished the last page of How to Fall in Love with Humanity, the newest addition to my library of life.

When I first picked up How to Fall in Love with Humanity by James ‘Fish’ Gill, I had no idea it would captivate me in such a profound way. From the beautiful design on the cover and the very first page, I felt immersed in the unique writing style of Gill—gentle yet bold, profound yet accessible. His words felt like a warm embrace for the soul, reminding me of the beauty and complexity of the human experience. It didn’t take long for me to read cover to cover, each page drawing me deeper into its wisdom.

Every so often, a book comes along that doesn’t just speak to you—it transforms you. How to Fall in Love with Humanity is one of those rare gems. From the moment I opened its pages, I found myself on a journey of wisdom, vulnerability and connection. It was more than just a book; it was an invitation to see the world—and myself—through a lens of radical love and compassion.

In what felt like no time at all, I devoured the book within a week.

The way that James wrote this book is magnificently magnetic, pulling you into its depths with the gentle insistence of a trusted friend. I know his words will linger, not just on the page, but in your heart, long after you have closed the book, just as they did for me.

James ‘Fish’ Gill, a leading Australian-based relationship and communication coach, is a writer, artist, and thinker whose work seeks to bridge the divide between the inner self and the collective experience of humanity. More than just an author, he is a philosopher of connection and a storyteller with a purpose, exploring the intersection of personal and collective transformation. Through his work, he invites readers to embrace humanity with compassion, curiosity and love.

With a background that bridges creative arts and deep human inquiry, Gill approaches writing as a means to explore what it truly means to love and accept humanity—flaws and all—encouraging readers to see themselves and others through a lens of compassion and curiosity. He brings a unique perspective, blending philosophy, spirituality and storytelling to create works that are as thought-provoking as they are accessible.

Gill has a unique style of writing that is reflective, poetic, deeply conversational and grounding. It feels as though he is speaking directly to you, coaxing you to set aside judgments and lean into love—unconditionally, as if he’s sitting across from you, gently encouraging you to consider new perspectives. Rather than lecturing or preaching—he invited. 

I could definitely feel this with the first few pages of this book and this feeling continued to flow throughout the pages of How to Love Humanity. I had the privilege of sharing a conversation with James via Instagram which was absolutely mind blowing. The feeling I had when I first opened the book flowed in our conversation.  💥

‘Fish’ has an astounding ability to weave stories, insights and wisdom into a cohesive narrative is what makes this book so compelling. His writing is reflective, poetic, deeply conversational and grounding. It feels as though he is speaking directly to you, coaxing you to set aside judgments and lean into love—unconditionally.

I could feel this from the first few pages, and this feeling continued to flow throughout the book.

The core message of Gill is clear: humanity, in all its messy, flawed, and beautiful complexity, is worthy of love. He challenges readers to embrace vulnerability and let go of the need to fix or control others, instead inviting us to cultivate acceptance and practice seeing the divine spark in everyone. To truly love humanity, he suggests, we must first be willing to confront and embrace our own humanity—a message that feels especially urgent in a world where division and disconnection often take center stage.

Where do I even begin with the wisdom I gained from this book?

It made so much sense that ‘Fish’ grouped this book into four segments or pillars—because these four areas are what shape our shared humanity:

💛Love

💔Rupture

🌿Reality

 🛠 Repair

Each of these sections pulled me deeper into the richness of human connection, expanding my understanding of love, conflict, and healing in ways I never anticipated. These are not just abstract concepts; they are daily experiences, showing up in our relationships, our conversations, and even the ways we engage with ourselves.

💛 Part 1: LOVE

‘Fish’ speaks into love as “the experience that arises in moments of being deeply attuned to others and moments of deeply attuning to others.”

This deeply resonated with me, and it beautifully complements my own evolving definition of love. Over the years, my understanding of love has transformed into something expansive—beyond romance or affection. Love, to me, is presence. Love is choosing to show up, even when it’s hard, especially in the moments it is hard. Love is the deep, quiet knowing that we belong to each other, even in our messiness.

Love isn’t about agreement—it’s about attunement.

It’s about being fully present with someone in their truth, even when it doesn’t mirror our own.

Attunement is the heart of connection—the ability to truly see and feel the inner world of another person free from judgment. It’s the foundation of conscious communication, the process by which we begin to recognise and alter unconscious ways of perceiving, thinking, and acting so we can reciprocate open-heartedness with others.

"Attunement happens when we can bring our full presence, or undivided attention, to others or ourselves."

‘Fish’ also delves into compassion—what it means, who is worthy of it (everyone) and how we can expand our capacity to embody it in daily life.

How often do we find ourselves withholding love, both for ourselves and others, because of perceived imperfections?

I was reminded multiple times throughout this part that love isn’t about perfection—it’s about presence.

I thought Part 1 on love was big.

I was in for an even bigger journey with Part 2.

💔 Part 2: RUPTURE

Rupture describes the sense of separation or disconnection in relationships.

‘Fish’ eloquently writes: “The deepest longing of the human heart is to have pain seen and welcomed with loving kindness, and secondly, for our greatness to be fully witnessed and honoured.”

This chapter also touches on nervous system regulation as a vital part of conscious communication and thriving as a human. Being a multi-passionate woman as an Intuitive Wellness Guide and Vision Therapist, I honour the privilege of supporting the nervous systems of others while I lovingly support my own each day.

It is unfortunate that emotional responsibility and emotional awareness are often undervalued. Imagine being told that some feelings aren’t okay to experience or share?

I am eager to attend an upcoming workshop with emotional intelligence educator Nerida Bint to dive even deeper into the world of emotional and somatic intelligence. Find out more about her upcoming Intell workshop to join this experience.

One of my biggest takeaways in this part was: “The behaviour arising in any human being, at any moment, is a natural expression of some real and valid experience that’s alive in them.”

Take a moment and think about it.

Close your eyes and place a hand on your heart as you feel into these words.

Everything you have ever done or said has been a natural expression of your real experience in that moment.

Conflict isn’t rational—it’s deeply emotional. Repair requires us to recognise and accept that our emotions are valid, even when we wish we felt differently.

‘Fish’ uses the analogy of an avalanche to describe the momentum of conflict—the way it builds and spirals out of control. This insight alone made me reflect on the ways in which rupture occurs in all relationships and how quickly small moments of misunderstanding can cascade into something bigger.

🌿 Part 3: REALITY

Starting on page 111, I poured myself a warm cup of cacao from Cacao Collective, adding an extra layer of warmth to the wisdom ahead.

Reality has two sides.

The mind unconsciously chooses one over the other—not just in relationships and conscious communication, but in all aspects of life.

‘Fish’ shares three components of experience that guide his every action:

1. What I was hoping for (my intention, longing, or yearning)
2. The action I took
3. The unintended impact of what I did (their pain)

And three components of the experience of the other person:

1. What they were hoping for
2. The action they took
3. The unintended upset they caused (our pain)

Our opinion is only ever half of any experience.

I speak about attunement often, and James introduces the importance of self-attunement—the practice of turning inward to recognise our unmet needs and emotions so that we can take action in alignment with our true desires.

“One of the quickest ways to take the heat out of relationship conflict is by deeply validating the experience that the other person is having.”

🛠 Part 4: REPAIR

As I reached the final pages, raindrops began to fall outside—divine timing.

Just like nature, repair comes after the rain.

🛠 Repair is not linear.
🛠 Repair takes time.
🛠 Repair takes courage—sometimes a little, sometimes a lot.

This section explores how to express pain in a way that invites openness and how to stay open when others express theirs.

Validation is the key to the process of repair: “Validation is a demonstration of our unconditional acceptance of their (or our) experience.”

‘Fish’ reminds us: “Your compassionate heart knows that behind the hurtful things you’ve done was a deeper longing for your pain to be expressed, recognised or attuned to, so you could feel less alone in your suffering.”

These words cracked my heart open in the most beautiful way.

Repair is not linear.

It takes time, it takes courage—sometimes a little, sometimes a lot.

There were countless moments where I paused and re-read passages simply to let their meaning sink in.

Some of these moment caused tear to roll down my cheeks and others that felt like they cracked my heart open in the most beautiful way. Here are a few of my favourite excerpts that particularly resonated with me, without giving too much away so that you also have the chance to revel in the beauty of these words from ‘Fish’:

"The heart yearns to be open, to love and be loved. When the conditions are right the heart naturally opens."

"Our emotional experience is always true, simply because it's what is being experienced."

"Relationships deepen by what we feel when we are doing or achieving them."

"We will feel pain at any moment when the goodness in our hearts is not seen." 

I cannot recall the last time I read a book so quickly while being completely immersed in every page. Each chapter flowed seamlessly into the next, leaving me eager to absorb more. James ‘Fish’ Gill’s writing is magnetic—it pulls you in and holds your attention with its beauty, realness and profound simplicity. It’s the kind of book that makes you want to slow down and savour every word, every experience, every practice, yet compels you to keep reading because the wisdom is too good to put down.

To add to the beauty of this blog, here is a summary of the key takeaways inspired by How to Fall in Love with Humanity.

1. Presence Over Judgment means meeting others with presence instead of immediate judgment, allowing for deeper connection.

2. Listening to Understand means engaging in true listening, where the goal is understanding rather than responding.

3. Compassionate Inquiry involves asking questions with curiosity and openness, rather than assumption or defense.

4. Seeing the Humanity in Others by recognising that every person is shaped by their experiences, fears, and dreams.

5. Choosing Love Over Fear by consciously responding with love, even when fear or discomfort tempts us toward separation.

6. Holding Space while allowing all emotions to exist without needing to fix, change or control them.

7. Letting Go of Perfectionism by choosing to embrace imperfection in ourselves and others as part of the human experience.

8. Releasing Resentment from understanding that forgiveness is a gift we give ourselves, freeing us from the weight of the past.

9. Honouring Boundaries with Love by setting boundaries (standards) as an act of care rather than a reaction of resentment.

10. Choosing Curiosity Over Assumption involves approaching difficult conversations and relationships with a mindset of discovery.

11. Speaking from the Heart through conscious communication by engaging with authenticity, vulnerability and genuine care.

12. Holding Ourselves with Compassion by extending the same kindness to ourselves that we so easily offer to others.

13. Welcoming Discomfort as Growth while viewing challenges in relationships as opportunities for learning and expansion.

14. Practicing Gratitude for Connection involves openly acknowledging and appreciating the people who add depth and meaning to our lives.

15. Allowing Love to Be Messy requires accepting that love isn’t always neat or easy but is always worth it.

16. Living with an Open Heart involves consciously choosing to remain open to life, love and connection, especially in the moments when it feels vulnerable.

These practices are daily invitations to engage with the world more openly, with deeper compassion for both yourself and others.

Reading How to Fall in Love with Humanity felt like stepping into a flowing river—I was carried effortlessly from one idea to the next. 

How to Fall in Love with Humanity has earned a place not just on my bookshelf, but in my heart. The words within serve as a guide for anyone seeking to navigate the complexities of human relationships with more grace and love. A beautiful balance of writing that draws you in intellectually—and reaches you emotionally. ‘Fish’ doesn’t only ask you to think; he also invites you to feel, to reflect, to sit with the discomfort and beauty of being human.

If you are ready to reconnect with humanity—starting with yourself—I highly recommend this book. It is so much more than just another book to read, it’s an experience, a mirror and a call to action. A book that challenges perspectives, stirs the soul and inspires you to show up with more love—for yourself and for others.

After all, ‘Fish’ so beautifully reminds us:

“Learning to validate the longing and pain in the hearts of others grounds us in reality and puts us directly in contact with our shared humanity.”

This struck a chord with me. So often, we strive for perfection, both in ourselves and in others, believing it to be the path to love. ‘Fish’ challenges this notion, reminding us that love isn’t about fixing—love is about seeing, accepting and embracing. 

What books have inspired you to see the world differently? 

Have you ever read a book that changed the way you see the world?

Share your thoughts in the comment below—I would absolutely love to hear your experiences and book recommendations as I am always seeking new books to add to my library of life.